Requiem for an April Fool

I should have known better than to fall for someone as young as her. Maybe it was the poppy tea. Maybe it was the way she reminded me a little of Rachel, and a lot of Kristine, only without the nasty disposition and the propensity to start trouble or sometimes finish it. Maybe she is a well timed diversion from my thoughts about the one I came here with. Regardless, though, I will not remember her name in five years or the way her pillow smelled or how her skin felt in the way that I do Abbey's or, occasionally, others. It was silly and too soon to say the way I felt, and I knew that before I ever set foot off the bus to meet her. I set out to intentionally sabotage things knowing full well that a girl her age would likely turn tail. But she is smarter than me at her age, and maybe a little more world weary than I give her credit for. She was like a salesperson, well trained in the wiley ways of getting someone to admit to wanting something so bad, they would take out loans costly than they could afford. Willing to forego other pleasures or even daily needs for an occasional spin around the block in a fancy car.

I still think about Abbey. A lot. Daily. Im sure she has found someone new as well. She is shy, but in an appealing way, and the kind of pretty that makes you stare when you dont suspect that you are. I dont like the thought of her with someone else, but I hope she is happy no matter what she is doing. I was thinking yesterday about how long its been since we broke up, and the time apart is almost equal to the time we were together in the city. In some ways, it makes me deeply sad, but in other ways, it helps me to feel as though this city is mine now, too. I can stay or leave completely independent of thoughts of her. I miss her, though. Its funny that I can talk to Jill about her, and Jill can talk to me about whatever his name is and there is never a moment of jealousy or misunderstanding. I find it at times odd, but also very real and honest to have that kind of open communication. Of course it also means that our "feelings" for one another are or never will be more than what they are now.