I am superstitious about two things; walking under ladders and Friday the 13th. Tomorrow could turn out to be a very bad day for me and it makes me really rather nervous. I wish in no small part that I had stayed in Tucson for a week or two or more or until the twinges of missing her started to dissipate. I wish that I had found a more constructive and healthy way to mend the wrongs with her, but instead I tried to force my will.

I wish she believed me when I told her how sorry I was for all the wrong turns, and wish I had listened closer to her when she tried to tell me several things as well. I dont think Ill ever know how truly feels about me now, I just hope that some day she knows that in my heart of hearts, I truly never meant to hurt her, that I feel foolish for being careless with her feelings and her trust and her love, that I really do love her no matter what, and that the monster that I was at times is not the man that I know myself to be deep down.

I have to go to bed and get up early.

I miss her. No matter what. She can hate me to the day I die, and I will never feel anything but love for her and sadness at losing her. I dont care if she stomps to bits. I will still feel the same way.