Its funny. Sometimes at work I catch myself trying to hurry up and get finished with whatever stupid end of the night task it is so that I can get done in time to get home and see her. I know she doesnt think I tried, but I did. There were so many times I wanted to see her before she went to bed, or hoped shed stay up and talk to me. I was too prideful to show how much I cared. When she was away those two times, I actually sat and counted the hours until shed come back. I always wanted to play it cool because to be anything less than casual , i thought, would make me seem clingy and needy.

I had a thought today that made me rather sad. Her friend Y used to say something whenever we would leave the bar or a party, and I always liked it. She would say " take care of my girl". It made me smile inside whenever I heard that. I just wish I had done a better job of it.

Not sure where I am going to sleep tonight, but at least its not raining. Every day I work is money in the bank and money in the bank means freedom. either leaving here or finding a place and planting roots.part of me wants to go so badly when every little thing, even the internet cafe, reminds me of her or us coming here together. everything is tied to her in some way and if i can get past that, i may stay.

i want to write more, i have a lot on my mind, but I was up way too late last night/this morning. there's always tomorrow.