Last night was a blast. It was good to spend time with friends and catch up and meet new people. It made me want to be back in Tucson for some reason, instead of the constantly uphill Seattle. I slept well last night in a proper bed with sheets and a blanket that smelled nice and got enough sleep that I actually had a dream. In it, I was walking down a street. Someone kept calling my name but I couldnt see who it was. I turned a corner and lit a cigarette and she appeared. She was wearing the dress she wore the night we met but she had no shoes on. I turned to walk away, but she grabbed my wrist and turned me around. She said only three words. I forgive you. I held both of her hands and just looked at her for a long time just standing there with her hands in mine. I put my hand on her cheek and she put hers behind my head and pulled me close to her and held me close. We stood there for a long time just holding each other then we turned and walked hand in hand. that was it.

If she was reading this, I wonder what these kinds of things would elicit in her. Would she think me even nuttier than before for having such strong feelings for her after all of this? Would she believe me? Surely one must know that if after all these things one would still hold strong in their feelings that they are certainly real. I used to get irritated at feeling her breath on my arm when we were lying in bed, but now I would sleep in snow for months to have the possibility just to hear her breathe, or to feel my legs entangled in hers.

I dont give a shit if she thinks Im crazy for feeling this way. What do I have to lose? I know now what Maggie meant when she chastised me for being upset at her feelings for me.