I wish I could be sitting on the edge of my old bed right now, feeling the cold and the lumpiness of the poorly laid tiles. To the south, looking out the window I could see the moon reflecting off the back of the neighbors wall and shining off the corrugated tin fences. I wish I could hear the creak of the bedroom door as one of the cats crept his way in. I wish I could hear the settling of the metal of the bed frame, and the slight turn of the wheels as they slid across the floor when the bed moved. I wish I could smell the cinnamon and apple of a candle mixed with the slightly musty smell of my ancient pillows and rarely washed, mascara stained pillow cases. I wish I could hear the sound of the cooler squeaking and straining to work, or the whir of a fan oscillating air around the room. I wish I could smell her perfume mixed with the air of booze and cigarettes as she slept and it would remind me to make this list of all the things I need to remember before leaving.
1. Know what this means. Don't take it or anything else that surrounds it for granted.
2. Know what she means and don't take her or anything about her for granted. There will come a time when you will be thankful you didn't
3. Forgive yourself for the things you did and didn't do and let them be a lessons you wont forget, let those lessons be your moral compass and let that compass point you in the direction you wantneed to go.
4. Work hard and seize this opportunity for the new start that it is. Live your life like an immigrant to a new country, show patience, and gratitude and humility.
5. Listen
6. Leave your old life behind like a snakes molted skin. What's left is brittle and see through anyway. Be new.
7. Never eat the last frozen pizza.
What more can I say? Is there anything in the world I can say or do, not to get her back, but to erase the worst parts?
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